e^(pi*i)+1=0

Grand Rapids Marathon

2006-10-30T19:13:00.000-05:00

At mile 4 I left my pace group to head out to unfamiliar waters. I thought I could out run the 4:14 group, I had never trained this fast nor ever expected to run this fast. At mile seven I realized what time I must finish in... "sub 4" I told myself. The bar had been set. I'm not one to back down from a challenge. At mile 13.1 I was at 2:02, I would have to shave 2 minutes off my next half. At mile 17 I felt it...I was starting to slow down and I couldn't do anything about it. I made a friend. Someone had just passes me and I determined to catch him and stay with him. At mile 19 he was slowing and I was pulling him. This is a mental game I told myself and I don't have the strength to play it for two people. At mile 21 I saw them, my little bro and my fellow marathoner Sarah..Waiting to run a few miles with me. A tear slipped as I heard the screatch of a willis and they joined my stride. "Push me" I blurted "I can't do this alone." I told them I needed to run sub nines the rest of the last 5 miles and I never run that fast. "I need you guys"
at mile 22 I wanted to quit, I hurt like hell and no amount of motivation was helping except for sarah's stride being one foot in front of mine. "Mell, just catch Sarah" I told myself. and as soon as I would she would push a little more...Brilliant! At mile 24 after a few sips of beer Sarah informed me I had just run an 8:10 mile. at mile 25 I realized how much I was focusing on myself. "selfishness never gets you anywhere and its not going to get you to the finish line" I began thanking people for volunteering, for cheering or just for watching. I couldn't breath but I forced out I love yous to Sarah and john watching from the road as she left me to finish on my own. after the worst 1/2 mile of my life I looked up to see a man in blue sweats and a woman in pink running my way. My dad and lynnel had come to run me in. "Push me" I forced out again. And then there was ethan, matching my stride. On the corner of fulton I had the finish line in sight, those two blocks seemed like an eternity away. I heard my name from the corner, it was beth and kate. they dropped their bikes and joined in with me. And then off to my right was my mother pacing me along on the side walk. "see those pants," lynell challenged me, referring to the girl in front of me, "take those pants." and I knew I could. Somehow a sprint burst our of me and heard that long beep as the electronic chip attached to my shoe hit the finish mat. This is what I was meant to do

3:58:48. 4/17 in my age/gender group, 65/245 for gender group, 327/734 overall, average velocity 9mins 7sec/mile
1 amazing sunday morning

2006-09-05T11:23:00.001-05:00

Dear Runner

Hey, thanks for registering. 2006 should be a great year for
the Grand Rapids Marathon. Our whole marathon staff is excited
to have you run with us, and we're all working hard to give you
the best marathon experience ever.

So, keep training, and we'll see you in October.

and the adventure continues....
Don Kern
Race Director

I ran 18.5 yesterday. I had a runners high and I hit the wall in the same run. I vomited twice and cried from the pain when i got home. Then i drank alot of beer and felt much better.

I started the run alone and almost quit after only 3 miles. Then i saw lynell just ahead of me on the road. She ended up doing about 9 miles with me. What a difference it makes to have someone running next to me; someone in a different spot in her training yet still working for the same end.

This is what christianity is, when it hurts like hell and all i want it to give up someone is there running next to me, feeling my pain. When its all over and the tears dry up, someone is there ready to celebrate with me!

2006-08-28T11:09:00.000-05:00

The alarm buzzed at 6:30 am. Yesterday at 6:30 am I had just passed out in a tent on a lake in paw paw from a game of tippy cup. All weekend long I drank beer and ate sugar. Today I was supposed to run 4 loops around reed's lake for a total of 17 miles. After 2 miles I felt sick to my stomach and board out of my mind.

I'm void of all motivation for anything right now. My life is absolutely insipid. I am jack's heart.

Two weeks ago I was in it, I was doing it. Something that seemed worth while unfolded in front of me every day. Kids with no caring adult in their life were tossed in front of me and I was given the opportunity to be pierced hands to them. Daily I took this opportunity. And now I sit in a classroom and work for something else, "invest in my future," and get myself horribly in debt. If this attitude is anything but enphermal my grades are going to take the blunt of it and that is the last thing I want.

Summer runs

2006-08-14T08:54:00.000-05:00

This summer has been such a roller coaster. I got really fired up about x-country and began running 2 times a day, over 50 miles per week .I got burned out and ran 3 times a week, about 15 miles for the entire week. I've finally been motivate to make the marathon happen which involves plenty of long lonely runs. This morning I completed my long run for the week, 13 miles around reed's lake twice.

I guess I just keep comming back to running. I just can't get enough. I do it so much that I hate it so I quite for a while then I just toy with the idea then I go out and kill myself because I try to much all at once. I'm constantly overestimating myself.

This is the situation with pretty much everythign else in my life. Men, School, God. When will I get a grip, when can I engender some stability.

x-country

2006-06-26T12:27:00.000-05:00

milage for the week: 42
coach Woj says if i just bring my pace up i will have a spot on the team. How badly do i want this is the question? running two seven mile runs a day takes an amazing commitment. Honestsly i'd rather be reading and writting clever essays. I could write until my fingures fall off.

Reading Rainbow

2006-06-13T16:26:00.000-05:00

Two runs a day this week has been standard. I wake, I run. I write lots of papers, I go to over priced classes, I get coffee and Beers, I run. I write more paper and read more books, I sleep.

And why do I have time for this now when my class load is heavier than any other time in my life? I have given up friends. Who needs them anyway? When I run or when I study I am challenged. When I am with my friends I listen to sarcastic jokes while sitting on a couch in GR. It's like the PBS show "reading rainbow" - "Friends to know-a, ways to grow-a, take a look it's in a book, a reading rainbow. I can go anywhere, I can be anything..."

Books present the challenges and adventures that my friends and I cannot find on our own. Running is the ony challenge that I can enjoy compleatly on my own. I do not need to depend on anyone else to provid the nessisary means of adventure. When I run, I feel the wind. When I read or write I am no longer in a chair alone.

2006-05-26T21:48:00.000-05:00

3 miles today just outside of LA with my favorite dog in the world, great run!
Wesco pooped at least 7 times and we passed a taco cart at 8am. i'm not sure who eats tacos at 8 in the morning but i'm deffinitly going to check it out before i return home. This town is beautiful.

25K Came and Gone

2006-05-13T11:36:00.000-05:00

This was the longest run I’ve attempted since Chicago. In fact I've Only ran that distance 3 time ever, twice in training for Chicago and then in Chicago. That was 2002, four years ago. I'm definitely out of shape. I don't even feel like I can move right now. What a great run though.

My goal was to run the whole thing in 10 minute miles, I ran it in 9:40's. Official time 2:30:00:98. I am extremely pleased with that.

I've devoted a considerable amount of time to this sport this semester. Between running, work, school, dates and $2 you call its, I haven't done much of anything. As I was running today I thought about what I have to show for all my work this semester.

I am a River Bank Run finisher with a fake gold medal.
I can do a mean proof of the sub-space theorem.
I got a 3.944 gpa for the semester, stupid A-.
I saved money that is all spent now on camping equipment.
I decided I've had enough of men
I've increased my tolerance from tipsy after 1 to tipsy after 2.

Short Runs

2006-05-03T14:55:00.000-05:00

This week has been study hell. I've going on short runs just to get out of my chair at the coffee shop for more than a bathroom break. I'm doing about 2-3 mile runs 2-3 times a day. I run, i study, i eat, i study, i run.

But i've learned more this semester than ever before, about math, about physics, about love, about life. At first glance looking back on this semester i thought i had not spent much time with God, or learning about God. But once i actually thought about it, that is all i did. Each proof of a theorem, each number in a matrix, each boy i went out with, each cup of coffee, each stride of every run, the thump of my shoes on the moon lit pavement...This is where God lives.

To Many Dates

2006-04-27T13:08:00.000-05:00

Here it is. I’m just going to say it. I hate men. I hate the way you think, I hate the way you treat woman, I hate the things that come out of your mouths, I hate the past times you occupy yourselves with, I hate machismo, I hate male reproductive organs, I hate the smell of man, I hate the looks you give me, I hate the way you dress yourselves, I hate testosterone I hate the way you talk to me.

Today on my run I was telling Amy about the email Kelly got from Zach. If ever there was a good man who was not related to me, it would be Zach. But even Zach is an ass hole. That’s pretty much the point where I stopped running, looked at Amy and emphatically stated, “I hate men. I villain-ize them. Mell has been hurt one too many times and now, Mell is out to kill.” That is the damn truth too! I date a new man each week it seems. Often times I have more than one date on the same night. And these aren’t little boys either; they are 24-28 year old men who are looking for a wife. And then, when they’ve wasted sufficient time and money on me I tell them I’m not interested. Then I call them back two weeks later when I feel like having a boy to show off, get their hopes up, and then once again dump them by the way. I eat men for breakfast, with a side of nails. Really I’m being honest here. I’m dating three guys right now and the only one worth my time is not one of those three and probably does not care I exist. In my mind, men want to capture me, have sex with me, show me off to their buddies, have sex with me some more, talk to the guys at work about how smart their girlfriend is, marry me, impregnate me, keep me from grad school and life in Europe, then complain to the guys at work about how fat I am. And we will live happily ever after in a white house with shutters, a golden retriever that gets hair all over my couch and 2.5 kids in Grandville. I hate men. There must be a better alternative.

My runs have been anything but noteworthy 2-3 miles, lots of walking, I’m not feeling so hot this week. Too many dates I presume. I would be doing so much better in life if the damn men would be kept underground for breading purposes only. Honestly, I doubt they would object.

East Grand Rapids and the Yuppies

2006-04-20T13:30:00.000-05:00

I ran a good 6 yesterday, most of it through EGR. I started to count the blue SUV's with big yellow E stickers in the back window that passed me. I lost track but I can say they almost beat the love wins stickers, almost. All of these vehicles, rush hour, coming home from cubicle world down town to high mortgage and "hire a landscaper" suburbia, all had one driver. These ginormous SUV's guzzling the fuel that my friends are dying to protect and these stupid white middle class Americans are to self-centered to see it. You know they all came from the same subdivision and they are all going to the same tall building downtown. But car pooling might mean they would have to talk to their neighbor rather than try to out do their neighbor. How do these people live? how the hell do you take your next breath knowing that the only reason you did was to get ahead!?
and how am I any different?

Monday I attemted a 5k in 20 minutes, I made it only 2.4 miles in 20mins which was such a let down.
I ran 4 today with James. We stopped to watch the fish jump up the ladder by the river. Amazing run

On Running with Men

2006-04-13T08:04:00.000-05:00

My runs lately have been anything but noteworthy. Amy likes to walk. We tried an 8 mile, only made it 5 and walked most of it. I feel fat when this happens, I'm not, I just feel like it. Yesterday I called my male nurse friend, James. We ran 6.5 miles. It was hot out, I drank too much coffee before and became quite dehydrated. He runs faster than me. Of course I can't admit I'm tired, so I just run, I run until I feel cold because I'm so hot. James sent me home with two bottles of homemade wine. James says wine impresses girls, James is not overly impressive.

Amy and I ran a solid 3 at race pace today. I feel good. I'm biking everywhere now, GRCC, Bowling on the West side, The Euclid. I went swing dancing last night, I've never felt more like a princess while I exercised. Twirling is good for the soul.

And still the question remains, why do I devote large amounts of my time to these things. Why not paint or read or do more math, or study philosophy?
The answer of the day is love. I love these things. This morning while running I appreciated my hulk of a woman's frame for the first time. I was built for these things. My rib cage can inhale yours, my arms don't fit in your shirt sleeves and my shoulders span casts a shadow over my emo boyfriends of the past. The veins in my arms have always popped out and my massive nostrils were made for "laminar flow." The legs my mother always called "athletic" are twice the size of my brothers' legs. And just why did God do this to my body, why would he curse me with a linebackers outline? Because he also gave me a love for the things that come with this body. This body meshed with this passion to use it and an uncontrollable competitive nature were hand crafted and woven together specifically for me. And as I ran this morning it became clear to me fot the first time ever that God did not f- up in designing me. God made me to run, to bike, to dance without tiring, to play football, soccer, basketball, to swim, to hike, to enjoy pushups and weight lifting. God did not make me good at these things and for that I do not fault him, he simple placed a love for them so deep inside me that even when I've tried to pin down the athlete in order to let the musician or the artist out she fires out of me, she cannot be contained. This is in part why I love life, because life has so much to offer and I am equipped to take life by the horns. And so today I thank God for this hulk of a woman's body he placed me in, and I thank God for the love of life he placed in this woman's body.

Ah Yes

2006-04-06T16:24:00.000-05:00

yesterday, 5-6 miles along the river, no mittens or hat!
today 2 mile run in SHORTS, 4-5 mile bike in a skirt.
life is looking up

On Rain

2006-04-03T13:29:00.000-05:00

It runs down my face and trickles onto my lips, wetting them just enough to get me through
It mixes with my new die job and stings my eyes, oh i feel alive
It rests on my arms, caught between hairs and i seem to sparkle

I actually took the time to notice this

Walking onto campus this morning in the light drizzle, the tulips coming out, birds everywhere, i've been up for 2.5 hours and dawn is just starting to break, i think to myself, "damn, its good to be alive."

4. 5 miles, some of it walking, amy had cramps so i ran some of it with out her.

6am on a friday, doesn't get much worse than this

2006-03-31T09:03:00.000-05:00

its 6:10, rainning, humid, and i'm still looking for the ipod
its 6:15, i'm wet, my joints are burning
its 6:20, i'm still crying over the events of last night, balling like a baby
its 6:25, i'm walking in the rain, through myself and back again
its the end of a week of hell, just one more test to take today, i have nothing left to give.

1.5 miles, only half of it running, I feel like death.
beer sounds like heaven right now

The Things I Tell Myself

2006-03-30T10:27:00.000-05:00

My feet tingled, maybe I tied my shoes too tight. My calves burned, maybe I was pushing to hard. My lungs felt like needles, maybe I did need an inhaler. I needed a study break so I went out for my second run of the day. I had been memorizing theorems for the past 5 hours. How does one find the motivation to live like this, when a break equals a 8- minutes - a – mile – for – 4 – miles jog. In fact as I was running I kept asking why I do this to myself.
I try to tell myself the things I try to tell myself to make myself forget myself, “It feels good when I’m done, I’m happier, it’s a time to clear my mind, it’s a time to fill my mind.”
But I know it’s not true, at least only partly.
Status, that’s why I do anything. Why major in math, why study physics, why pursue grad school, why run, why dress the way I do, why play the guitar, why eat the foods I do, why wash my stupid car?
Because of what people will say when they hear I ran another marathon, when they hear I’m graduating with honors…
There must be something better to live for.

Today’s run with Amy:
Passed a church sign: “Be like God today, be kind.” I think God needs to reach in his bride’s purse and take his balls back!

2.5 miles, Fulton hill, Lake dr. hill, slightly too short but topped off with 2 sprints and some lunges.

Friendly mornings

2006-03-27T09:04:00.000-05:00

My alarm went off at 5:50am this morning.
Yesterday I got in bed at 5:42am, i was up by 8am for work.

I was running up Cherry Hill when i realized there are to many options. I need five week days to learn and enjoy academia, then i need a weekend to work, a weekend to rest, a weekend to get stuff done around the house, and a weekend to be with friends.

Why do human beings feel that they need to do it all? If life is finite we have a lot to fin in in just a few short years. But i've not believed in a finite life for the past 21 years and i've not even believed in a finite time on earth for the past 2 years. So if heaven is really a place on earth, why do i feel like i have to try everything in order to achieve success?

3.5 miles, big ass hill, 1 walk break, decent run.

4pm and the sun is setting

2006-03-23T18:15:00.000-05:00

I'm squinting against the downtown sun, its cold like normal but today i'm not doing this because i want to, today this is work.

"I miss him" (me to amy)
"don't think about it, lets learn some german" (amy is teaching me german while we run)
'but kelly and zach are back together and i wonder if maybe it could work, kelly is happy, why can't i be?"
you are happy, i tell myself. I think aloud,
"maybe succes is more important than love."

the remainder of our run is silent

3miles today, easy pace, no stops, good run

life lessons from the side walk

2006-03-21T20:07:00.000-05:00

I run everyday, everday i run i learn. everthing i learn builds who i am. i am a runner.

this is where i will be documenting my 6am life lessons.