The Things I Tell Myself

My feet tingled, maybe I tied my shoes too tight. My calves burned, maybe I was pushing to hard. My lungs felt like needles, maybe I did need an inhaler. I needed a study break so I went out for my second run of the day. I had been memorizing theorems for the past 5 hours. How does one find the motivation to live like this, when a break equals a 8- minutes - a – mile – for – 4 – miles jog. In fact as I was running I kept asking why I do this to myself.
I try to tell myself the things I try to tell myself to make myself forget myself, “It feels good when I’m done, I’m happier, it’s a time to clear my mind, it’s a time to fill my mind.”
But I know it’s not true, at least only partly.
Status, that’s why I do anything. Why major in math, why study physics, why pursue grad school, why run, why dress the way I do, why play the guitar, why eat the foods I do, why wash my stupid car?
Because of what people will say when they hear I ran another marathon, when they hear I’m graduating with honors…
There must be something better to live for.

Today’s run with Amy:
Passed a church sign: “Be like God today, be kind.” I think God needs to reach in his bride’s purse and take his balls back!

2.5 miles, Fulton hill, Lake dr. hill, slightly too short but topped off with 2 sprints and some lunges.