The alarm buzzed at 6:30 am. Yesterday at 6:30 am I had just passed out in a tent on a lake in paw paw from a game of tippy cup. All weekend long I drank beer and ate sugar. Today I was supposed to run 4 loops around reed's lake for a total of 17 miles. After 2 miles I felt sick to my stomach and board out of my mind.

I'm void of all motivation for anything right now. My life is absolutely insipid. I am jack's heart.

Two weeks ago I was in it, I was doing it. Something that seemed worth while unfolded in front of me every day. Kids with no caring adult in their life were tossed in front of me and I was given the opportunity to be pierced hands to them. Daily I took this opportunity. And now I sit in a classroom and work for something else, "invest in my future," and get myself horribly in debt. If this attitude is anything but enphermal my grades are going to take the blunt of it and that is the last thing I want.

Summer runs

This summer has been such a roller coaster. I got really fired up about x-country and began running 2 times a day, over 50 miles per week .I got burned out and ran 3 times a week, about 15 miles for the entire week. I've finally been motivate to make the marathon happen which involves plenty of long lonely runs. This morning I completed my long run for the week, 13 miles around reed's lake twice.

I guess I just keep comming back to running. I just can't get enough. I do it so much that I hate it so I quite for a while then I just toy with the idea then I go out and kill myself because I try to much all at once. I'm constantly overestimating myself.

This is the situation with pretty much everythign else in my life. Men, School, God. When will I get a grip, when can I engender some stability.