To Many Dates

Here it is. I’m just going to say it. I hate men. I hate the way you think, I hate the way you treat woman, I hate the things that come out of your mouths, I hate the past times you occupy yourselves with, I hate machismo, I hate male reproductive organs, I hate the smell of man, I hate the looks you give me, I hate the way you dress yourselves, I hate testosterone I hate the way you talk to me.

Today on my run I was telling Amy about the email Kelly got from Zach. If ever there was a good man who was not related to me, it would be Zach. But even Zach is an ass hole. That’s pretty much the point where I stopped running, looked at Amy and emphatically stated, “I hate men. I villain-ize them. Mell has been hurt one too many times and now, Mell is out to kill.” That is the damn truth too! I date a new man each week it seems. Often times I have more than one date on the same night. And these aren’t little boys either; they are 24-28 year old men who are looking for a wife. And then, when they’ve wasted sufficient time and money on me I tell them I’m not interested. Then I call them back two weeks later when I feel like having a boy to show off, get their hopes up, and then once again dump them by the way. I eat men for breakfast, with a side of nails. Really I’m being honest here. I’m dating three guys right now and the only one worth my time is not one of those three and probably does not care I exist. In my mind, men want to capture me, have sex with me, show me off to their buddies, have sex with me some more, talk to the guys at work about how smart their girlfriend is, marry me, impregnate me, keep me from grad school and life in Europe, then complain to the guys at work about how fat I am. And we will live happily ever after in a white house with shutters, a golden retriever that gets hair all over my couch and 2.5 kids in Grandville. I hate men. There must be a better alternative.

My runs have been anything but noteworthy 2-3 miles, lots of walking, I’m not feeling so hot this week. Too many dates I presume. I would be doing so much better in life if the damn men would be kept underground for breading purposes only. Honestly, I doubt they would object.

East Grand Rapids and the Yuppies

I ran a good 6 yesterday, most of it through EGR. I started to count the blue SUV's with big yellow E stickers in the back window that passed me. I lost track but I can say they almost beat the love wins stickers, almost. All of these vehicles, rush hour, coming home from cubicle world down town to high mortgage and "hire a landscaper" suburbia, all had one driver. These ginormous SUV's guzzling the fuel that my friends are dying to protect and these stupid white middle class Americans are to self-centered to see it. You know they all came from the same subdivision and they are all going to the same tall building downtown. But car pooling might mean they would have to talk to their neighbor rather than try to out do their neighbor. How do these people live? how the hell do you take your next breath knowing that the only reason you did was to get ahead!?
and how am I any different?

Monday I attemted a 5k in 20 minutes, I made it only 2.4 miles in 20mins which was such a let down.
I ran 4 today with James. We stopped to watch the fish jump up the ladder by the river. Amazing run

On Running with Men

My runs lately have been anything but noteworthy. Amy likes to walk. We tried an 8 mile, only made it 5 and walked most of it. I feel fat when this happens, I'm not, I just feel like it. Yesterday I called my male nurse friend, James. We ran 6.5 miles. It was hot out, I drank too much coffee before and became quite dehydrated. He runs faster than me. Of course I can't admit I'm tired, so I just run, I run until I feel cold because I'm so hot. James sent me home with two bottles of homemade wine. James says wine impresses girls, James is not overly impressive.

Amy and I ran a solid 3 at race pace today. I feel good. I'm biking everywhere now, GRCC, Bowling on the West side, The Euclid. I went swing dancing last night, I've never felt more like a princess while I exercised. Twirling is good for the soul.

And still the question remains, why do I devote large amounts of my time to these things. Why not paint or read or do more math, or study philosophy?
The answer of the day is love. I love these things. This morning while running I appreciated my hulk of a woman's frame for the first time. I was built for these things. My rib cage can inhale yours, my arms don't fit in your shirt sleeves and my shoulders span casts a shadow over my emo boyfriends of the past. The veins in my arms have always popped out and my massive nostrils were made for "laminar flow." The legs my mother always called "athletic" are twice the size of my brothers' legs. And just why did God do this to my body, why would he curse me with a linebackers outline? Because he also gave me a love for the things that come with this body. This body meshed with this passion to use it and an uncontrollable competitive nature were hand crafted and woven together specifically for me. And as I ran this morning it became clear to me fot the first time ever that God did not f- up in designing me. God made me to run, to bike, to dance without tiring, to play football, soccer, basketball, to swim, to hike, to enjoy pushups and weight lifting. God did not make me good at these things and for that I do not fault him, he simple placed a love for them so deep inside me that even when I've tried to pin down the athlete in order to let the musician or the artist out she fires out of me, she cannot be contained. This is in part why I love life, because life has so much to offer and I am equipped to take life by the horns. And so today I thank God for this hulk of a woman's body he placed me in, and I thank God for the love of life he placed in this woman's body.

Ah Yes

yesterday, 5-6 miles along the river, no mittens or hat!
today 2 mile run in SHORTS, 4-5 mile bike in a skirt.
life is looking up

On Rain

It runs down my face and trickles onto my lips, wetting them just enough to get me through
It mixes with my new die job and stings my eyes, oh i feel alive
It rests on my arms, caught between hairs and i seem to sparkle

I actually took the time to notice this

Walking onto campus this morning in the light drizzle, the tulips coming out, birds everywhere, i've been up for 2.5 hours and dawn is just starting to break, i think to myself, "damn, its good to be alive."

4. 5 miles, some of it walking, amy had cramps so i ran some of it with out her.